“Relations”

I am a walking contradiction, out to harm the ones who steps close.

I am young, I am independent.

I have high hopes, I have ambitions.

Every girls dream: Marriage and children.

My dream: The same with love.

Opportunity arrives; I run.

I do not fear love, I do not fear commitment.

I do not fear pain, I do not fear happiness.

I have the ability to love and be loved.

But, somehow I always throw it out, unconscientiously.

What could cause the reverse response for what I’ve always dreamt about?

Do I actually have a fear of those things?

Am I afraid of truly being happy?

Am I afraid of sharing a piece of me with someone else?

Am I afraid of taking risks?

I have a lack of understanding, there’s a piece of my puzzle missing.

Is it a man? Is it a tangible object? Or is it something untouchable, a feeling?

Fear is in my way. With a shove, it could all be over.

But, I do not believe in my strength.

It is not settling down, it is not a lifetime commitment.

It is a date, it is a fling, and it is puppy love. Yet, I still run.

Do I not trust myself?

Do I somehow know that I will hurt another one day down the road?

Do I know how to fall in love?

Am I running away because I forced it too hard?

I wanted my dream to come true with you. I want to fall in love.

Did I rush things? I am afraid. I am afraid of losing you.

I might break. I might push you away. Don’t let me.

I need to learn. Is it the other person or is it really me?

Am I being fair to him? Am I being fair to myself?

I cannot take back the things I have said.

Three words that could crush the world that stands before me, before him.

Did I get too serious? Did I know to warn him? No.

I am still a child, I am still learning.

What do I do? Do I run and let him walk away?

Or do I force myself to stay right where I am?

I can look at the world with the eyes of determination and I can prepare myself to fight,

Should I pursuit my dreams or let them slide right by?